


Of Fear and Faith

by KathSilver



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Language, F/F, F/M, Graphic Description, Graphic Violence, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Yes Andraste is the main character, don't make it weird, seriously all the spoilers, this might not make sense if you haven't read the fic its based on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-10
Updated: 2015-06-10
Packaged: 2018-04-03 17:40:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4109434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KathSilver/pseuds/KathSilver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Imagine the Conclave. Imagine the explosion, the grief, and the thousands of voices all crying out at once for the very same thing- Andraste to save them all. Such grief and prayer has power, power enough to disrupt the Heavens and bring Faith back into the world.</p><p>**This work is based completely off of the Noble Thief series by MaryDragon. You COULD read it without reading that series first, but I do not recommend it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Fall

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Of Fear and Lyrium](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3196010) by [MaryDragon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaryDragon/pseuds/MaryDragon). 



> Okay so I blame twitter and MaryDragon for this fic existing at all. I read her series and in it the Inquisitor kept saying that if she had met Andraste she would know it, and so she could't be her herald. And that just spawned this whole 'what if' in my mind about... well, you'll see. Experience the Noble Thief series from Andraste's point of view (because it wasn't heartbreaking enough the first two times around)

**She worked her jaw for a moment before shaking her head. “I should have known you would have found me there. It is a haunt of yours as well, is it not? No, don’t answer that.” She paused again, considering. “Yes. I think it does. Everyone still has this vision of me as a religious icon, regardless of what I know to be true. How could I have met Andraste and not remembered it? How could I take Her hand and not _known_  it was Andraste? It was the Fade, it could have been anything that threw me back out of the rift. But it is because I believe in Her that I know I am not Her Herald. If that makes sense?”**

**-Evelyn Trevelyan, ‘Of Fear and Lyrium’, Chapter 7**

 

 

Floating. Blissful, physical nothingness. A state of complete and utter astrological and physical peace. These were the phrases that she would choose to describe her existence these long centuries since her demise- a state of being so perfectly in tune with the rest of the world, and aware of it, that she had power to change things, alter them. From her spot of glowing warm nothingness she could care for the world that both loved and scorned her, and after so long in this state of being time began to lose all meaning. She simply… was. And wasn’t.

She was free, she was loved, and then she was… falling?

Pain! Screaming, the screaming was deafening, why was there so much screaming?

Suddenly she could feel and all she felt was panic and rage, heartbreak and terror, confusion and fear. Fear. So much fear that she could hardly bear it- the emotions flooding through her were like nothing she had ever experienced, so many voices screaming out into the void demanding to be heard…

So many voices silenced.

And then she wasn’t falling any more she was landing, landing on cold dirt, and rock, and her palms were stinging and the air was harsh and the screams were no longer in her head but outside of it, barreling onto her skull.

She stood, stood? She was standing and walking and running, running from demons and it was all too much, she was on sensory overload and her mind couldn’t take it any longer and just as suddenly as it all began her world went black as she collapsed behind a pair of soldiers who were beating back the tide of beasts behind her, struggling to come to terms with what was going on around her.

~*~

When she woke it was to find herself on a cot in a healer’s tent, three days had past, and the ‘Herald’ had closed the breach that had blown up the Conclave. She was to be the savior of them all, the one to close the giant rift that had formed in the sky.

None of this flood of information made any sense, at least not until she had made her way out of the tent and found herself face to face with a sickly green glow that poisoned all it touched. The sight of the wreckage around her and the clips of conversations she could hear around her began to act like glue for all the puzzle pieces swimming in her mind.

The sorrow was almost overwhelming as the cause for all the silenced voices raged above her, and the grief-filled cries simmered as a constant in the background. The world had suffered a tragedy, one so great that even she could not find words to comprehend exactly what it was that was going on. It took her a moment but after staring at the crumbling mountain for long enough she realized exactly where she was, and what happened the last time she was there. She had no idea how long it was that she stood in that spot, overlooked by all- until she wasn’t.

“Excuse me, miss? Are you alright?”

The voice nearly made her jump out of her skin, so used to being bypassed was she. Of course, it had been so long since she’d had to use her voice that when she opened her mouth to speak nothing came out and so she had to settle for clearing her throat and nodding.

“It’s just that you’ve been standing there quite a long time and we were worried that you might be lost in a flashback or something,” he said.

Oh, he had no idea. But she didn’t say that, instead she looked around the brown haired man to see whom he was speaking of.

“We?” she asked, her voice light and fluty.

“Oh, that’d be me and Glennon, he had to run off for his shift though so I thought I’d come and check on you. You’ve got the same look on your face that the Herald had the other day, if you don’t mind me saying so, miss.”

The man was open, warm, he had a good heart in him, she decided. Not that much of what he said made sense, but she assumed sense would only come with time. Sense could come after she figured out how exactly she had come to be down here, and more importantly _why_ she was here.

“Forgive me, the ‘Herald’?” she asked. That was the second time she’d heard that title but she had no idea what it referred to. The man’s eyes crinkled and a bit of the darkness shadowing his eyes succumbed to his smile.

“The Herald of Andraste, miss. How long have you been asleep?”

Suddenly several things became clear, and she found it a little bit difficult to breathe. _Oh, Husband of Mine, what is it that you’ve gotten me into this time?_ The man was still waiting for her answer, and the longer she took to respond the more concerned he seemed to grow.

“What is your name, ser?”

“Higgins, miss.”

“Well, Higgins, I have been asleep for a very long time, I’m afraid I have missed a great deal… would you be so kind as to fill me in, if you’ve got the time?”

The man smiled down at her and nodded, “Of course miss. There’s a man I met recently who seems to be rather adept at storytelling, I’m sure he’d do a much better job of it than me.”

She nodded her approval and began to walk alongside this Higgins character, as she went she was careful to take note of everything she could see, and hear, and feel. And when they finally came up to a camp site where a handsome dwarf was sitting and polishing a rather… unique… crossbow, Higgins spoke to her again.

“I am so sorry,” he said softly, “I should have asked your name.”

Taking in the sights around her she gave her first smile in this life before answering him.

“Higgins, you may call me Andy.”

And with that, Andraste walked Thedas once more.


	2. To Watch or Meddle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andraste takes offense

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In regards to the works this is based off of, in the timeline this finishes off around chapter 4 of OF&L, and chapter 11 of Higgin's Song.

**“Can this be a thing?” Evelyn asked with a grin. “Can everybody just call me ‘ser’? Maybe we abandon all this ‘Herald’ nonsense before I get hit by lightning?”**

**“Absolutely not,” Killeen answered evenly, as Glennon and Higgins hissed their displeasure and Evelyn frowned. “My apologies, ser, but it is absolutely critical to the morale of the people here that you’re acknowledged as the savior you are. They chose to make that acknowledgement by calling you the Herald of Andraste. And, sorry to say it, you’re going to have to suck it up and take it.”**

-          From ‘Higgin’s Song’ by MaryDragon

 

_In her dream Andraste was floating as she had for the past centuries and it was almost as though the past few days hadn’t happened at all. But there was still too much awareness for that to be true- the dream was too perfect, it couldn’t be real. And so she knew that this was a message from the Maker- her husband- who was going to be in for an earful once all of this was over._

_‘Familiar, isn’t it?’_

_His voice inside her mind brought such peace to her very center, much the way it had back when she was a young woman. He would try to recreate that situation, apparently he was feeling romantic._

_Andraste sighed, and if in this space she had a body she would have rubbed her hands across her face. “Yes, and so is the place where you have apparently sent me- without my consent I might add.”_

_‘It has been too long since you meddled in their affairs.’_

_“So you send me plummeting to the ground, in the middle of a war, to the place my very own ashes were held?”_

_Silence. Of course._

_“Without telling me what to do or preparing me for being a human again? And, again, without my permission? I thought we were past this.”_

_‘You never needed help interpreting what you were supposed to do before.’_

_Again, if she had been in a human body for this dream her foot would have been tapping._

_‘And you aren’t human.’_

_She passed on memories of the very physical pain she had felt, along with the hunger and exhaustion, the smells of the campsites, and the sounds of daily life around her- as if to say she begged to differ._

_‘Time still moves differently for you, and if you wish it you will be seen by none save for your chosen. You are in no physical danger, and you may vanish until you are needed.’_

_“Needed?”_

_‘Yes.’_

_“By whom?”_

_‘Everyone. No one. Her.’_

_“My supposed Herald?”_

_She felt a warmth press against her consciousness at the mention of the Herald, apparently her Husband was fond of her._

_“Should I be worried?”_

_She was only playing, but the brief flare of panic and annoyance amused her just the same. Their relationship was an odd one, of course it had to be considering it was more of a cosmic entity with consciousness than two separate people, but never had her faith in him wavered. Or his in her. His love for her was the light that shined on Thedas, and hers was the smell of fresh life after the rain._

_‘I thought it poetic.’_

_“Poetic? The Herald?”_

_‘You will see.’_

Andy awoke frustrated and intrigued by their conversation. Leave it to her Husband to be upset that she hadn’t ‘meddled’ in the affairs of the mortals for a while. Well. If that was the way He wanted it that was what He would get, of course.

The first step was to lay eyes upon this Herald that everyone was talking about. As if on instinct, Andy sent out her consciousness to find that of the Herald, and when she found it, she was dragged to a spot, and place, in time that she wasn’t quite expecting.

Namely to a camp in the Hinterlands that was apparently being invaded by a parade of bears. To make things more interesting, her first time laying eyes on the Herald was to find her cursing, dripping with blood, and pacing from once end of the camp to the next in wait for the next furred intruder.

“I’m going to kill them, this is fucking ridiculous! They’re EVERYWHERE I don’t understand it! All I want is to get just one single night’s fucking rest before- oh Andraste’s melting nipples here we go again!”

Andy went still with shock, and then anger, at the auburn haired monstrosity that was now launching herself daggers first at the next bear to come rampaging through the camp. This woman was supposed to be the pious deliverer of her word? Her Herald? This was just ridiculous, she didn’t care how obnoxious the bears were being, that woman could leave her ‘melting nipples’ out of it.

Almost without realizing it Andy rubbed her arm against her chest as if to make sure that her own nipples were, in fact, still there and unharmed. After noticing what she was doing she rolled her eyes and sought out a different time and location that would call to her. That woman could handle the bears on her own.

~*~

“What do you mean we had soldiers  _captured_  in a  _swamp_?”

“My lady Herald,” Cullen responded evenly, “I mean we had a contingent of soldiers go missing from a patrol and we have received word that they are alive, but being held hostage. You are personally requested to negotiate their release.”

“What were they doing that far south?”

“I don’t know, my lady Herald,” Cullen said mildly. “Routine patrols on the southern end of the Hinterlands could have been intercepted and relocated.”

“How long do we have to negotiate.”

“I don’t yet know.”

“Andraste’s boiling eyeballs, Cullen,” the Herald swore viciously, causing Josephine to gasp. “I am leaving for Val Royeaux in the morning. Are our men going to be fucking dead by the time I get into that fucking bog or not?”

Cullen gritted his teeth. “I am sorry, my lady Herald, I do not know.”

And then she flipped the table in her rage and stormed out and away from the group. Why was it that each time Andy popped in to see this woman, it was in response to being the butt of a curse? It’s bad enough that she had been burned at the stake for what she believed in, but to know that the world treated it thusly was an entirely different story. At least this time her nipples had been left out of it.

But such rage, and such anger… it had no place here.  Andy could see that it came out of concern for her people, and her helplessness in saving them, leaving their fates to chance. But in her rage she seemed to flatten the Commander, a pious man on all accounts. The way he deflated… in reaching out, Andy could feel the strength of his faith in the Herald. It was unwavering, small, but strong. Like a candle flame on a still night- if given the opportunity it could grow into something to light the blackest of nights- or be snuffed out by a violent breeze.

In some ways the Herald reminded Andraste of herself in her righteous anger… and in realizing this, Andy began to have an idea of what her Husband meant by poetic.

_‘Told you.’_

_“Stop eavesdropping on my thoughts, I’m trying to concentrate.”_

_‘But you aren’t doing anything.’_

_“And what am I supposed to do?”_

_‘Watch.’_

_“I thought you told me to meddle?”_

_‘Then meddle.’_

And then silence. Ignoring her frustration at the eavesdropper, Andy instead chose to watch the Commander. He only took a moment to himself, to crumple in, take a breath, and begin to chant. She felt it move through her and the force of it nearly drove her from her feet, who had known what it was like to feel a prayer coming from only a few feet next to you, when that prayer was aimed at yourself?

It was sweet, like her favorite candy as a child, in its purity. Cullen prayed for his missing soldiers, asking for the time to find them, and that they be safe and whole. He prayed for the safety and peace of mind for his Herald, that she may come through these trials and bring salvation to them all.

Andy felt these prayers and focused on the terror felt by both the Commander and his Herald for the missing soldiers, and she decided to meddle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't get spoiled and expect chapters this frequently all the time. If they are short chapters you'll get more than one, if the are long they'll be a bit more spread out. As always, it's all MaryDragon's fault. Zombolouge is a bit to blame for this as well, for the record. Hope you don't mind my portrayal of the relationship between the Maker and Andraste.... I had fun with it. Oops.

**Author's Note:**

> Please go read the original work, you won't regret it. Also feel free to follow me on Twitter (@KathSilverr) or on Tumblr (allyouholdonot.tumblr.com)
> 
> And follow MaryDragon too! (@themarydragon)


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